lower case letters

unless im wrong ... very possible considering i cant get over being told i am a crowd ... your martin is hilarious.  just remember when u get upset it seems to be mostly about expectation ... every time so far it comes back to a thought you hold high as a reason to believe i am a deceiver to you because why isnt he how i think by now since i found him when and where and how i found him ... you are reliving an original disappointment in me and treat it as new ... thus my banishments ... i am guilty ...

lower case letters

i said I Love You.
you said with a frown,
"you dont even know me to know you love me"

i said I understand and ceased letting you hear it. you said to me with a frown, why am i acting diffetently.

i said i am doing my best.
you said with a frown, it's not good enough.

when you are tired of your environment you do like i do and change it with what provides a large enough visual to satisfy the craving for control over your life.

i love you because i love me.
i see you because i see me.
i know you because i know me.
i want you the same as i want me.
Fulfilled!

you in anger professed your despise of me. i said i understand.

you said you are not in a relationship and i said i understand.

you said you are your own boss. i believe you.

you say you need to hear scripture. i said i understand.

all i am saying is why? why do i understand? why am i still here? why am i still yearning for you? why does it not hurt enough to not love you? is it my mental health as reason or my spirit life?

if i had to say something painful i can only say, "you are what you think as you are designed to see."

Pleading My Case

I saw you as more than a friend. I answered all your queries as sanctuary. I embraced your trust as we shared intimacy. I valued your inputs and observed your smiles at life. You are the painting I looked forward to repeatedly. I released my inhibitions. I lived. I love.     -when thinking of you-