Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Sinner Saint's Open Mic Wednesday Nights Arlington Improv The Highlands "i'm not the same funny"

"I enjoy my ignorance"

  1. I been single now for 20 years and married for 19 of those years. I found out the long hard way that I don't ask enough questions such as; "Are you going to actually stay?" 
  2. Ask honest questions unless she is rich, then just put out.
  3. When she met me I had a basketball sized butt and was very athletic. Since the divorce the only thing I have are the divorce papers and a rectum with no meat on it.
  4. The funniest part to me is she was the one I actually liked.
  5. Speaking of women raising boys to be men; It's not possible ladies so stop it. I was raised by the women in my family and by the time I was 20 years old I realized I was a lesbian.
  6. I believe in "Don't ask Don't tell" to the fullest. Don't ask me for any money and I won't tell you no! Courtesy with a smile.
  7. I wear a construction uniform and I'm a foreman who oversees an all female crew, while moonlighting as a Bowling League Commissioner. My porno name is "Diggs Deep.'
  8. I rode a girls bike with a banana seat-I didn't know.
  9. I used an eye brow pencil because eye thought that's what girls liked.
  10. I did skinny jeans because I thought it would make me look good behind a zipper.
  11. I had a pair of Chic Jeans (the brand). They were hand me downs. I assumed the ken fell off and thought nothing of it.
  12. The first time I ejaculated hands free was....oh wait....never mind.
  13. I wore girl skates with the white boot and metal wheels and thought I was the business because of all the sparks I could make.
  14. Sometimes out of need I like to pretend I am making a difference in the community.
I was visiting with my sister a while back and had a good time. It was time for me to go and on the way to the car I had to make a side step to some trees and allow nature to remain free. Well, I was o.k. until I tried to pass gas and tinkle at the same time. The tinkle part went well. The gas part did not do what I knew I trained it to do. I'm wearing boxers. I with all my might tried to tell my body exactly what to do. 

Okay. What we gon' do is tinkle a little, pinch a little, tinkle a little , then pinch a little. Well the tinkle went without a hitch. The pinch went without a hitch as well. Yep. So I released my lizard and at the end of the waterfall I tried to squeeze instead of pinch. Wrong move. Now what I have is an executive decision to make.
"Did I just dookie on myself?" Man! Do not tell me we just pinched a loaf of honey wheat on our self? I reached down to check from the back and didn't feel anything, and thought, phew it was a false alarm. So I walk to the car, unlock the door, sit down, start the car, drive home, get undressed, and throw my boxers in the trash, and take a shower!

Nope! You were right all along. "Sinner Saint" is the shiznitterly!