Yes eye was Married to a celebrity. Eye caught her cheating on me with her love interest at the grocery store.
I ain't mad about it. I see it as my window of opportunity. I will overlook a ton of faults as long as eye can get the obvious. "You are simply living out your thoughts and fantasies. I am for living the dream. I learned from the experience I need to communicate better with women by listening more than by speaking. If I had listened to her cues and tells I would have been better prepared for my surprise and help act out the fantasy while we all in the same mind. No jokes here. Only truth.
I am not a hater. I do not hate. I want everybody to get laid and everybody to get paid before we all start remaining honest about everything. You"re shaking your head? Boy please. You cant tell the truth while people are actually listening.
If your girl asks you, "does this dress make me look fat?" There is no way to heaven you are going to tell her honest, "it was never the dress that made (her) you look fat to me."
It's a set up and she is testing you to make certain you are going to say the right things when out in public. She knows she's plumper than when y'all started. She simply needs the reassurance you are not going to embarrass her in public. She likes the "D" she's getting, when she ready for it, and lets you help her get it, but she also has an agenda that has nothing to do with yours. Her agenda is look better than her friends and colleagues!
You worked too hard and too long to let something as small as HONESTY and RESPECT get in the way of a blissful 15 minutes or less (on average for you , but not me). She does it to you all the time and you take it. She moans a little, groans a little, and massages your male driven ego so that she can fulfill her agreement and get it over with, because face it, she ain't been in love with you since the 5th year of y'all being together. She can't be. If she were still in love with you as it started, you would be humping like rabbits and dogs every day for five years. Women and "in love" are only forever when they can't have you, but when they got you or know they can get you, it's all a game at this point. She basically says to herself, "I'm going to find out how far I can take this!"
WE IN TOM THUMB
We feeling kinky and my girl is wearing a nice short skirt, nice blouse, sexy heels, and some balls. (Pause...)
C'mon y'all know the ones women use. Morpheus had em in "Boyz In The Hood" when Trae(Show Me The Money) had went out that night and Morpheus was looking serious like "what the oracle said to you was for you & you alone", as he had them twirling in his hand?
(or sumn like that...pause/look at audience with blank stare that says, y'all know what the what i am talking about...type stare)
Ahhh...Ben-WAH BALLS
Yeah the Benoit balls dropped out the couch, rolled 5ft away and the 4yr old kid reaches down picks up the balls & puts them in his mouth.
Looks straight at me & winks!
I look? I look behind me then back at kid. He winks again!
I'm like, this heffa been cheating on me! Then I smile again. I realize my girl has a fantasy I hadn't been fulfilling.
So I wait and I wait aannd eye wait.
She's sleep. Now's my chance.
I'm well lubed stiff and hotter than America was when IT realized Dennis Rodman was drunk and in Korea.
THE REST OF THIS JOKE WILL BE LATER. I'M WAITING ON MY INCOME TAX CHECK!
Sometimes ladies n gentleman, you have to simply dine and ditch. I knew I didn't finish the joke but you don't want me to tell you the truth, so I had to fake it to make it work, and here we are.
I'M SO BROKE I CANT BE A LOAN
I am out of money and I am going to die out here. I figure I can survive off of woman juices. The book I was reading described it as a waterfall, which to me is awesome, because i am a little thirsty right now. Actually I'm completely hungry and all i can afford is water. Not even filtered water or bottled water. I need a natural spring source.
I can see me now convincing my woman to let me have a sip. She would have to be the type that never actually researches anything and simply believes what you are saying because she can't spell it, so if she can't spell it, it's pretty safe to assume she can't read about it to know what is right or wrong.
I would crutch it too and look real sad like a feed the children commercial (selling poverty).
Don't boo me.
Believe what you need to get you by. I know how it is. All I'm saying is how do we know? Exactly, we don't know. If you can not prove to me my $0.38 a year is feeding a village where is my proof? It's not like you are sending me an Instagrams on a daily so I can see they eating good.
I bet you think "Leather Dress for Men" ain't gay? Bi-metro-sassy is gay. And I'm not talking about man to man booty missile gay. I'm talking matching the furniture with the puppies gay. Face it. Nothing means the same anymore as long as it is in terms of endearment.
YOU ARE SO DARK:
I thought I was sleep
People blink when you yawn (the light from your smile becomes blinding/and Ur teeth are yellow)
You make the sun sleep in late(sun says, i thought it was still night)
Blind men say, "who turned out the lights?" when you walk up on the scene.
YOU ARE SO BRIGHT:
I cant sleep in when u stay over
It feels like the sun is walking by me
You burn water
You make bananas turn color
